God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
