3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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