can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
