cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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