i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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