The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
