My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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