I can text with my tongue
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
