dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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