not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
