oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
