so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
