Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
