my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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