Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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