dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
