if you like me you must not know who I am
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
