Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
