can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
