so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
