i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
