i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
