my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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