guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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