Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
