At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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