Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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