look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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