I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
