Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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