dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
