Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
