You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
