i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
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