maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
