I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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