We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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