When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
