btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
