You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
