I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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