worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
