Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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