Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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