A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
