alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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