We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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