Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There r osticjed everywhere
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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