theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
