You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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