I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
