At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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