New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
