i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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