we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
