he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i think im in europe. pls send help
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize