woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
